Mind+Body * Yoga = Balance

Yoga and I have a long history. My first ever introduction to yoga that I can recall was when I was taking a dance class up at SFU. Our dance instructor was adamant that yoga and pilates were the way to go in order to build stronger, more flexible bodies especially for dance. This was in 1996.

Yoga had been around for approximately 2000 years by this point in time and pilates a good 60 plus years. While pilates was practically unheard of except in dance and theatre communities (especially in places like NYC), yoga was making a little bit of a mainstream dent over here on the West Coast but still had a bit of the stigma of being 'weird'. I went to my local bookstore and picked up a nice glossy book on yoga asanas (poses), I have no idea what the title of the book was, and sadly I lent it to someone and never got it back. I started practicing at home and felt that this was a wonderful form of exercise and my body took to it quite well. I had been a long distant runner for about 2 years at this point and found that yoga was a nice complementary exercise.

I was taking Theatre in 2001 in college and part of the program was yoga and pilates. I loved it. But around this time with much stress in my life - drugs, drinking excessively, smoking, eating a couple of times a week, distructive relationships with people and myself, heavy courseload - my body began to simply shut down. In November 2002, my vision started to go. I was having intense migraines. I lost feeling in my left side. My strength was gone. I was so tired. I ended up withdrawing from school in December, and never completed my Theatre program. I was bed ridden for about 6 weeks and spent up until April basically learning how to use my body again. I could walk but I would fall down because my legs would give out. I would spend hours trying to push myself off the floor, until my pride would step aside and I would have to ask for help getting up. I cried so much. I was in so much physical and emotional pain I thought I was going to die.

I had test after test done. But they couldn't find anything wrong. I ended up going back to school in April of 2003 because I couldn't stand being home all the time and being on Income Assitance depressed me greatly. I finished my Diploma in General Arts and went to University. But then other problems started to happen. Because I was stationary for so long my bowels and bladder started to react adversely, and threw themselves into fullfledged IBS.

I found a Doctor who then started giving me Vitamin B shots (due to malnourishment I am sure) and supplemental medicines for my bowels and bladder. I tried some various exercises, and over time my body, although very tired, was responding to the vitamins. I started walking more, exercising more and attempted yoga and pilates again. I tried working but one of the many 'issues' would flare up and I couldn't keep a job. Then I caught the "flu" in 2004 just like I had the first time in 2002. I freaked out. I thought I was going to relapse into hell. My Doctor (I didn't have one the first time I was ill) retested me for some of the more major illnesses out there. In the end it was my mother who said 'Test her Thyroid'. The Doctor agreed, even though my test was done last Spring with negative results. The results were back and lo, 2 years later almost to the day they discovered my problem, hypothyroidism. And the major cause? STRESS. My doctor sat down with me and told me that I needed to cut out the stress in my life. It was going to be the death of me otherwise. I asked him about yoga. He told me that it would be an excellent idea. My weight was up too, due to my metabolism affected by the thryoid and yoga would be a perfect exercise regime without taxing the body too much.

So I started my practice. Slow at first. I had gone and seen a nutritionist to help me with my diet, as my IBS was out of control. Together we came up with a diet that would work well with my situation and my yoga. I practiced everyday. I read books. I watched programs. I meditated. I discovered that my body WAS strong, and could become stronger. Gently I pushed my body to do things I had only dreamed about. But not only were the physical aspects amazing, but the psychological. My mind became clear. I let go of things, in my mind and in my heart. As I let things go, I got better. In as little as 8 weeks my thyroid test indicated that I had normal levels. My Doctor was amazed. He told me what ever I was doing, keep it up. I practiced continually for almost a year. During this time I left my husband, as I realized that my marriage and the social dynamic around it was contributing majorly to my stress. I still had stress, but I was able to deal with it more healthfully, and as a result with little repercussion.

I stopped practicing in November 2005 due to an experience I had that put me off of the culture, and due to life just getting in the way. My health has been good, but not great. I am miserable in my job, and I found myself getting bitter, and falling into bad habits. I started to gain weight. My body was sluggish and tired and I ached more. I saw a trend happening. I re-visited my reasons for stopping and realized that they were unfounded. I realized that I needed it more now because I was experiencing many challenges in my life right now. I started up again. I know that yoga makes me feel better. Better about myself, and about the world even. And its working. Even after a few weeks, my body and mind are responding to it. I can't believe I went as long as I have without it.

The breathing brings about peace. The asanas strengthen, tone and cleanse the body, ridding it of toxins, and they force you to focus on one thing at a time. Meditation has you empty your mind, and helps you come to realize what underlying things are burrowed deep inside and being harboured. It shows you these harboured 'illnesses' and you learn to let go, you learn to accept. After a while, yoga becomes a part of your everyday life. You meditate when you walk, you do breathing exercises when you feel your temper rise, or anxious. You practice loving kindness towards your advasaries. Your body responds well to it because you've allowed it to release these emotional and physical toxins. Suddenly your body will instinctively do things to make it work better. I did the crocodile pose without conscious thought the other day when I felt overwhelmed. My body craves twists when I feel sluggish in the bowels. My mind hestitates enough so I can realize what I am about to say and how it will affect the other person.

Something as simple as a balancing exercise can tell me how my mind and body are connected. I stand on one foot and place my heel against my thigh and bring my hands together in prayer at my heart - the tree pose. Some days I can stand there for hours it seems. I am connected. Other days, not so much. I struggle to keep balance, my heel keeps slipping, I feel awkward in the pose. This tells me my mind is on something else, that my body and mind are separate. I address these things simply by spending time with my mind and 'sort out the mess' in a contemplative way. I am no longer a stranger in my body, and my body is not foreign to my mind. The two work in harmony to keep balance. To keep peace of mind, and body.

This explanation may not be scientific, and there are lots of those kinds of articles out there that indicate that yoga is good for you. Yoga Journal is a great place to start, where many well educated and trained people talk about yoga in all its forms, styles and capacities.

Everyone's experience with yoga is different. But that is how yoga came to convince me it works. Honestly I can't imagine that I would have ever come to where I am today if it weren't for yoga. It may sound a bit zealous, but it's true.

It changed my life. It helped me get it back.

Yoga: Crocodile Pose

Things seem to be swirling around as of late. Energies are thick and emotions seem to be running high out there, world. What's up? I sense that perhaps going back to school, the end of summer, beginning of the reap in preperation for the winter's sleep are all making us anxious. People are scurrying, hurrying, neglecting themselves, but not a neglect due to the kindness towards others. Almost a vacant drunken bumblesque behaviour.

I feel this way right now. It seems that when I stop and think how this action will affect this person HERE, I am totally stepping on the toes of this person over THERE. Bumping into things, overwhelmed by the energies around me; so many people trying to escape but realize they have their chores and tasks to do and so trampling is not out of the question here, as you run me over with your baby cart, darting across the street full of whizzing cars; the careless meanderings and bumping into's, giving disgusted looks because for an instant you know you were responsible for your own trippings, but decided to save face by passing the blame: 'How dare you occupy this space, when it was fully intended that I would occupy it at the same time.'

Needless to say, I felt totally exhausted when I got home yesterday. I went to Granville Island to drop off my bookkeeping work and went on a little sojourn to FINLANDIA - MY MOST FAVOURITE VITAMIN STORE to pick something up for my mother. I run into my building, open my apartment door, close it and lock it.

Sigh. Time for a Yoga practice.

You would think that this would be a welcoming idea, getting downward dog and sun salutation'ed, erasing all that tension. But I couldn't shake it. The downward dog made me feel more tired, my little warm up that I do made me dizzy. I felt so overwhelmed, I laid down on my stomach and placed my head on my folded arms in front. Ahh, the Crocodile Pose.

As defined by Yoga Journal:

Crocodile Pose: This is a deceptively simple posture that can deliver dramatic benefits. Relax on your stomach with arms folded on the floor above your head. Similar to Savasana (Corpse Pose), in which you lie face-up, Crocodile Pose allows you to release all of your tension, but because it puts your belly and face to the ground, it can make a socially anxious person feel less exposed and vulnerable. In Crocodile Pose, you can practice yogic breathing (consciously using your diaphragm), which feels both calming and empowering.

(find link here).

After about 3 minutes of resting in this pose and focusing on my breathing, I was able to do a small, productive practice. All that tension and stress was almost gone (hey, I am not perfect at this you know) and was able to go back out into the world to complete my other errands.

So folks, if you feel a bit like you are just about ready to fly apart, collect yourself with a good ol' Crocodile Pose and feel good as new.

Whoa.

Hmm, third post today. What does that say about my 'Free Time' at work? Actually, I was compelled to post for a few reasons. I am trying to find a good Yoga school to take my teacher training at in the next 6 or so months. But I can't believe how much it costs!

Actually, yes. Yes I can. I certainly understand that there is a need for money as this is most likely a means for the teachers to maintain their facility, pay the bills, pay the employees, etc etc. But it is so much! And I don't know, the places look opulent, some of them. Almost a little too posh? And also, don't forget the amount charged per drop in, or class. Doesn't that count towards the basic maintenance? I guess that's what you call good business.

Believe me, making a living and being comfortable and all that is not lost on me, and besides. The Idealist in me believes that the people who run these places have good hearts and donate money to various places or what have you, or contribute... I suppose teaching is the way they contribute? I am also sure that there is the one place out there that thinks the same way about how much it costs to do yoga these days, let alone learn it to become a teacher. And it is certainly not lost on me that yes, one day I will teach and I will see exactly why it is this way in the first place. But I am still horrified at how much it costs.

Some of these posh schools do offer student loans and such, and I suppose that is reassuring, except of course if you decide to maintain your life up until you go to school, you know, work and continue to pay those bills you have etc, you wouldn't qualify for the loan, because you made too much money. It's uncanny and a little disheartening. I guess its a good thing then that I am giving myself about 6 or so months (probably longer now) in order for me to even begin to consider doing my training.

This isn't very Zen of me is it.